Golf humor

Golf, likely due to its inherently difficulties, seems to cause its victims to develop and nurture a truly unique sense of humor. At times, that humor is the only fallback we have after enduring a particularly humiliating round. Aspiring golfers don't have years of needling and golf humor to fall back on, so feel free to use some of the following in your next round.

Slow Play:
"That guy in front of us is half a hole behind the group he's in", or "please keep up with the
group you're in".
"Is the same day rule in effect?" (Must complete the round the same day you start it).
"Dude has two speeds: Slow, and stop".

Golfing Ability:
When out-driving a playing partner by a significant distance, ask "Hey Bob, did you hear
about the new WalMart they're building?" Bob naively asks, "Where?", and you reply
Between my ball and yours".
Old, but good, is when an opponent leaves a putt 3+ feet from the hole, say "There's a lot
of chicken left on that bone".
On the occasion of someone's truly bad shot, utter "That's not that bad of a shot, unless
you care what you shoot".
Tell an opponent over your six footer to win the hole that "We're just wasting daylight by
making me putt this". I highly recommend that if you say that to make the putt.

Glossary:
College girlfriend: Short and Fat
Oral Roberts: Heeler
Billy Martin: Dead Yank
Shovel Pass, Pitchout, Chinese Hook, El Hosel: Shank
Nurse: Beverage Cart Girl
Scoring Fluid, Aiming Fluid: Beverages dispensed by nurse.
Oscar Brown, Orville Butler: Out of bounds.
Idiot mark: Ball imprint on the crown of a driver caused by popping one up.

For more golf humor, I defer to the king, David Feherty. If you truly have a sick and twisted, golf oriented sense of humor, read his book "A Nasty Bit of Rough". Funniest thing I've ever read. Ever.

Play hard, laugh loudly, and press often.